The hubs and I went to the urologist yesterday for the follow-up before his PESA (think needle in the man junk). As expected all checked out and we get to schedule the procedure for June. The hubs and I left super excited and optimistic...and now it's a day later and a lot can happen in a day.
Where's our secret handshake?
As I've mentioned before, there is a secret society of the infertile. It's a society that no one expects or wants to be a part of, but it exists nonetheless. By being a part of it, you often live through the pain of a failed IVF/IUI (turkey baster)/monthly cycle along with those experiencing it. When one of us fails it is a not so gentle reminder that none of this is guaranteed. We are putting our hearts, souls, and bodies out there with the possibility of devastation. I understand why there are those who don't want to talk about it. There is a shame that comes along with the inability to procreate. Isn't that what we are suppose to be able to do? We want our own baby...made with our partner. It's a roller coaster of ups and downs. Some days you feel like it is just not worth it and hate the world and other days you'd do anything just to feel a baby growing inside of you. We sometimes wonder if we are bad people because we didn't jump into adoption or that we want to bring another life into this already overpopulated world. To be honest (and no I wasn't being dishonest before), I don't often find myself in any of those scenarios anymore. Most days I am just trying to wrap myself around the "why" of it all.
What's trending in the news...and why I am not a horrible person
I go around in circles wondering why the hubs didn't develop his vas deferens, why did our first IVF not work, and why do people that should NEVER be parents have kids so easily?
In general society doesn't comprehend the inability to get pregnant. What they see are examples like the woman who gave birth to 7 babies then suffocated them and stuck them in a box in the garage meanwhile her husband rotted in jail. Then there is the mother who tried to do and exorcism and killed her 2 children. How about the mother who drove into the ocean with her children in the minivan...did I mention she was pregnant? Extreme examples...I know, but I can look on any news site on any given day and find examples of horrifying parenting that makes you want to kick these people in the naughty bits. Where am I going with this?
There are people in this world that should not have kids (IMHO), but often times they do. This leads to far too many neglected, abused, and unwanted children in the world. The consensus in society is that all the infertile should rush to save these children (and often times we start to believe it). While this is noble in the simplest form, it is so much more complicated than that. Yes, most infertile couples have at some point considered adoption but at what expense? Again, you are being to forced to open up all aspects of your life and let someone determine if you are a fit parent. Really? And who gets to make that decision? What about the cost of adoption? Unless you are adopting from the foster care system, you can bet your ass that adopting a healthy infant/toddler comes at a huge price and a long wait. The financial and emotional toll is no less daunting than infertility treatments.
All of that leads us back to the same fact...if you are infertile...you have to buy a baby.
My heart breaks for all of those children who are neglected, scared, and alone. My heart also breaks for the men and women who continue go through the heartbreak of reproductive failure. Although, adoption is not an option I want to explore at the moment, I hope that should I come to a the crossroad of a life without another child or adoption, that I would chose the latter.
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