Our trip to Cancun is booked for October 10, 2013. We get to spend 18 semi-relaxing days in Cancun under the care of Fertility Center Cancun. The hubs wants this to be like a honeymoon meanwhile I think of it as more of a babymoon without the foreplay. There is something about the trip that just doesn't scream romance...unless the hubs injecting me in the stomach with massive amounts of hormones somehow just became super sexy. Note to self: make a conscience effort to add some additional belly fat for something to grab on to and stock up on tequila to calm the nerves. Once we booked the trip the anxiety started flooding my brain in an overwhelming manner. What if we have twins-or worse triplets? How much is everything going to cost? I have a child that wipes his own butt and makes it to the toilet to vomit-why do I want to start over? What if what happened last time happens again?
Am I allowed to do a flashback in a flashback?
One could say that my last pregnancy did not go quite as planned. Now this story is not for those with weak stomachs. At 30 weeks and 6 days I went in for a routine appointment. I deposited "my sample" into the cup and was ushered into my room to wait. The doctor came in to take my blood pressure. Confusion could be seen all over her face....she told me to lay down and she'd come back to recheck it. She came back-she mumbled something about protein in my urine as she rechecked my blood pressure. She then told me that I needed to leave the office drive myself across the street and check in to the hospital for monitoring. I asked her if I could run home first. If she was going to make me sit in a hospital I was going to at least have some socks (oh and B-rays dad). She told me no. Me listen-ha that's hilarious. I picked up my socks and "the dad" and went to the hospital. Every hour they checked my blood pressure while I waited impatiently. Finally they put me in a room. Is it just me, or are they REALLY vague at hospitals? The doctor came in and gracefully told me that I was going to take my first helicopter ride oh and get my first catheter. Then she told me not to expect to leave the hospital in 1 piece. What the hell was that suppose to mean and why was it the catheter that made me cry?
I was air lifted to Banner Good Samaritan (worst hospital of all time). I was put on magnesium sulfate (worst drug of all time) and poked with needles every hour. Those 2 days were a blur. I can honestly say that whatever forms they had me sign could have easily been fought in court since I was nowhere near lucid enough to sign them. On day two I was told that they would take me in for an emergency c-section in the morning when my blood platelets arrive. Google Class 1 HELLP. Well-doctors lie...at about 10:30 pm they were wheeling me into the operating room. Holy crap that is scarier than one could ever imagine. I came to at some point a day later to discover I no longer had a butt because my back swelling had consumed it. I couldn't see because my face had swelled up so bad. I had a long tube with a bubble attached coming out of my abdomen. I wouldn't wish that look on my worst enemy. 2 days after baby boy was pulled from my uterus at 2 lbs 15 oz I went to meet him in the NICU with my sister who refused to see him until I did. Not sure what I did to deserve such an awesome sister-although I still do NOT want twin girls. B-ray was doing well considering. I on the other hand was not at my prime. I went in for another surgery to have all the blood clots removed from my incision and was left to heal from the inside out. They even gave me this cool purse/vacuum to suck all the extra stuff out. 12 days after being admitted I was allowed to go home empty handed. The home nurse came for awhile, but soon I was on my own. Those were some extremely depressing times.
I was air lifted to Banner Good Samaritan (worst hospital of all time). I was put on magnesium sulfate (worst drug of all time) and poked with needles every hour. Those 2 days were a blur. I can honestly say that whatever forms they had me sign could have easily been fought in court since I was nowhere near lucid enough to sign them. On day two I was told that they would take me in for an emergency c-section in the morning when my blood platelets arrive. Google Class 1 HELLP. Well-doctors lie...at about 10:30 pm they were wheeling me into the operating room. Holy crap that is scarier than one could ever imagine. I came to at some point a day later to discover I no longer had a butt because my back swelling had consumed it. I couldn't see because my face had swelled up so bad. I had a long tube with a bubble attached coming out of my abdomen. I wouldn't wish that look on my worst enemy. 2 days after baby boy was pulled from my uterus at 2 lbs 15 oz I went to meet him in the NICU with my sister who refused to see him until I did. Not sure what I did to deserve such an awesome sister-although I still do NOT want twin girls. B-ray was doing well considering. I on the other hand was not at my prime. I went in for another surgery to have all the blood clots removed from my incision and was left to heal from the inside out. They even gave me this cool purse/vacuum to suck all the extra stuff out. 12 days after being admitted I was allowed to go home empty handed. The home nurse came for awhile, but soon I was on my own. Those were some extremely depressing times.
Am I out of my freaking mind???
Why would I want to tempt fate again? I NEVER again want to leave a hospital without the child I carried, yet I am embarking on a process that could very likely put me in that position again. Boy that is a gloomy thought.
But it was all worth it in the end....
Now that our trip is about a month away my nerves are starting to calm and excitement is brewing. The one thought I always remember when I think about what might be is that it will all be worth it in the end. I have a handsome, smart, caring, sweet, amazing son. Now I hope that I can have another child with my amazing, wonderful, bad-spelling ;-), affectionate, passionate hubs.
So hubs...just remember....you are not the only one that is broken. Love ya!
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