Friday, June 6, 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
A Case of the Ughs
Let the Ughs Begin...
Last week was an extremely difficult week for our family. A murder of a law enforcement officer shocked our family to the core. I didn't personally know the officer, but the hubs and those around me did. The realities and dangers of the hub's job hit like a freight train. It was far too close for easy deniability. Gone are the days of "it won't happen to us" or "those things don't happen here". We got through the week together and stronger than ever. There was a sense of ease in knowing that together we can get through even the toughest of trials. This was just more proof of that. It was an eye opening experience, but it allowed for open communication about our desires if something happened to one of us. When I say pull the plug and spread my ashes somewhere (guess I haven't quite worked the whole scenario out), I meant it.
The hits keep coming...
Right about now I am suppose to be nursing the hubs back to health after his PESA and jumping around with excitement about how many vials of sperm they were able to retrieve..yeah that's not happening. The Friday before our Monday morning surgery, the doctor called to reschedule our appointment due to a death in the family. Well we quickly got the procedure rescheduled.
Drum-roll please.......
Our new appointment is Friday the 13th. Yep that's right. It's a good thing I have zero superstition because that would be a seriously bad sign. The hubs on the other hand is a little less jazzed about the change in date. Although he's afraid of ghosts too so that's not saying much.
We go for our IVF consultation on Thursday. We are hoping to narrow down our protocol and plead for an alternative to the progesterone in oil shot. We get to be drained of more blood and tested for STDs we don't have. Overall it's going to be an exciting visit.
Last week was an extremely difficult week for our family. A murder of a law enforcement officer shocked our family to the core. I didn't personally know the officer, but the hubs and those around me did. The realities and dangers of the hub's job hit like a freight train. It was far too close for easy deniability. Gone are the days of "it won't happen to us" or "those things don't happen here". We got through the week together and stronger than ever. There was a sense of ease in knowing that together we can get through even the toughest of trials. This was just more proof of that. It was an eye opening experience, but it allowed for open communication about our desires if something happened to one of us. When I say pull the plug and spread my ashes somewhere (guess I haven't quite worked the whole scenario out), I meant it.
The hits keep coming...
Right about now I am suppose to be nursing the hubs back to health after his PESA and jumping around with excitement about how many vials of sperm they were able to retrieve..yeah that's not happening. The Friday before our Monday morning surgery, the doctor called to reschedule our appointment due to a death in the family. Well we quickly got the procedure rescheduled.
Drum-roll please.......
Our new appointment is Friday the 13th. Yep that's right. It's a good thing I have zero superstition because that would be a seriously bad sign. The hubs on the other hand is a little less jazzed about the change in date. Although he's afraid of ghosts too so that's not saying much.
We go for our IVF consultation on Thursday. We are hoping to narrow down our protocol and plead for an alternative to the progesterone in oil shot. We get to be drained of more blood and tested for STDs we don't have. Overall it's going to be an exciting visit.
Pom Poms and Sweatpants
I was never a cheerleader in high school for one very good reason...I suck at faking enthusiasm and sincerity. I am an open book. When I am face-to-face with someone my facial expressions don't leave much to the imagination. I think that is one reason I love my job so much...no one can see the disbelieving eye roll over the phone.
During the last few years I have happily removed some of the "toxics" from my life. You know the people I'm talking about...the Debbie Downers, the self-absorbed, the aggressive, the manipulative, and the down-right evil. People's lives evolve and their desires change and sometimes the thing connecting you to someone just isn't enough to maintain a bond. That's ok. It's not my job to make you like me, or make you want to be my friend. Heck I don't even care if you talk behind my back. It just doesn't matter. I don't give a flying f@&) about those who don't care about me...and I will easily write you off. Too much wasted energy goes into maintaining superficial relationships that bring little or no joy, and in the coming months, as we prepare to expose ourselves to additional heartache I am thankful for the group of genuine and caring people who provide their words of encouragement.
In the meantime...I have a plan...
1. I will be a more engaged mother.
Toot toot of my own horn...I am a pretty freaking good mom with a awesome kid. Luck? Maybe partially, but not completely. Are there areas I can improve? DEFINITELY! As some of you already know, I started working part-time from home in December and it has been a blessing for both mine and the hub's sanity. It has also allowed me to feel more like an involved mom to B-Ray...minus the initial rough patch when he'd get mad at me for taking him to school on time rather than early. We've since worked out that little snafu...little shit. Or the time he didn't want me to drop him off at school because "I looked like a disgrace". Apparently sweatpants are no cool mom approved apparel-or maybe it was the 4 day old messy ponytail. Being more involved includes deleting Facebook from my phone. Done. Putting the cell phone on the charger...upstairs...away from anywhere I can easily grab it. Done. And being in the now. Now if only I could put away Word Scramble.
2. I'm going to gain 10lbs.
Sounds easy right? Not so much. If a hamburger and ice cream accomplished this then I would be well on my way to overweight by now.
3. I'm going to focus on my mental health and meaningful relationships.
I recently deleted social media from my phone. This may have been the single best decision I have ever made. No more early morning Facebook checks or irritation that someone has failed to like a photo or comment. I mean how stupid has our society really become? We weigh relationships and satisfaction based on Facebook? Although I will admit...if you call my phone I will NOT answer. I hate the phone. I'm on it all day. I don't want small talk. Just text that shit otherwise you will just turn into another voicemail notification on my phone that I will never check.
4. I'm going to enjoy my beautiful disaster that I call life.
I'm going to have staycations with the hubs. I'm going to take my dogs on a walk. I'm going to take b-ray roller skating and I'm going to sleep in. Why? BECAUSE I CAN! I'm going to appreciate the freedom that I have and not dwell on things I cannot change.
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